Quarter-Life Crisis, part one
First post on the new laptop. Hip-hip-hooray!
Do you ever imagine what it would be like to re-invent yourself? What would that be like and who would you be? Sometimes Jenn and I talk about transforming our own personal styles by dressing in new and fun and interesting ways. Well, interesting to us anyway. But what would it be like to completely evolve into a person who you in no way currently resemble?
I think a lot of folks have imagined who they would be if they could be somebody different. Oh, I know I have!
I would have attitude - The kind of attitude that strikes as “bad ass” opposed to “asshole.” I would speak my mind with no fear of consequence, good or bad. I would feel confident and sexy, and I would wear head scarves and lace tights to prove it. I imagine that I would be the type of person who would find the ugliest coat in a thrift store and wear it, not because it was ugly, but because it was so ugly it was fabulous. I would know more about music and I would be comfortable spending long periods of time alone. That way, I could spend hours on iTunes sampling new hip bands and be totally okay with not interacting with people for an evening. I would give myself pedicures and become the type of person who listens to foreign languages on headphones in order to learn swear words and catch-phrases. NPR and Democracy Now! would consistently color my world. Maybe I would even take initiative and actually do one of the many things that I talk about doing all the time.
The funny thing is, that I do believe that that actually happens - people do re-invent themselves, just maybe not in the totally dramatic ways that we sometimes imagine. We all evolve and we all grow and learn from previous experiences. I think that I am at a turning point in my life and while I’m trying to enjoy it, it is also difficult to let change take effect when I’m second-guessing what could go wrong. My mid-twenties are scaring me shitless, truth be told.
I’m changing and I’m trying to be conscious of it. Is this growing up? I think this is the onset of adulthood and it’s really freaking me out. All I know is that I’m focusing more on being present in my own life and I’m trying to read more. Is that how people get in touch with themselves? Hell if I know; but I’m young and alive and different versions of myself everyday. Re-invention or l-i-v-i-n’ … or both? Or neither. Hmmm.